I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.

You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.