Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!