Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!

It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!

I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!