Junior was being chided for his low grades. Little Robert, who lived a few doors away, was held up as an example. "Robert doesn't get C's and D's does he?" asked his father. "No," Junior admitted, "but he's different. He has very bright parents".

The ultimate in wisdom is to live in the present, plan for the future and profit from the past.

No woman is likely ever to be elected President - they never reach the required legal age.

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit that far.

A vacation should be just long enough that your boss misses you, and not long enough for him to discover how well he can get along without you.

Bigamy is two rites that make a wrong.

There's no fool like an old fool --- you can't beat experience.