You know you're getting older when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

The ultimate in wisdom is to live in the present, plan for the future and profit from the past.

Junior was being chided for his low grades. Little Robert, who lived a few doors away, was held up as an example. "Robert doesn't get C's and D's does he?" asked his father. "No," Junior admitted, "but he's different. He has very bright parents".

The surest way to get a job done is to give it to a busy man. He'll have his secretary do it.

You know you're getting older when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

Bigamy is two rites that make a wrong.

A vacation should be just long enough that your boss misses you, and not long enough for him to discover how well he can get along without you.