Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear end collision.

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.

A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home.

Last night I dreamed of a small consolation enjoyed only by the blind: Nobody knows the trouble I've not seen!

I never quite know when I'm not writing. Sometimes my wife comes up to me at a party and says, "Dammit, Thurber, stop writing." She usually catches me in the middle of a paragraph.

I was seized by the stern hand of Compulsion, that dark, unreasonable Urge that impels women to clean house in the middle of the night.

American girls often marry someone they can't stand to spite someone they can.