Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

I feel like the American people are being lied to and manipulated. President Bush is trying to force 9/11 and Saddam together.

He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.

How long do we have to deal with conservative failure? How long? Thirty years is not enough? So I would say enough with that, and I would say check out the Center for American Progress, and the writings by Patrick Garofalo, economic guru. That's what I would say.

The Bible, I've said it before, is a beautifully written work of fiction.

For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I'll write it down.