I got out of the tub and had to squelch a scream when I saw my reflection in the vanity mirror. My hair looked like it had taken 2000 volts and been spray starched

I failed math twice, never fully grasping probability theory. I mean, first off, who cares if you pick a black ball or a white ball out of the bag? And second, if you’re bent over about the color, don’t leave it to chance. Look in the damn bag and pick the color you want.

I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?

I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy

Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done.

I'm so busy writing and editing two books a year that I don't have time for painting anymore.

Your on your on with this one babe." "Coward." "Calling me names isn't going to get me in there." -Ranger and Stephanie