Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory.

It’s being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that’s just people leaving the White House.

There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.

Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?

John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.

For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!

Never perform for your family. They either laugh too hard or not at all.