A congressman actually apologized to BP's CEO for the way the company has been treated. How stupid are you when the CEO of BP is in the room and people think you're the moron?

They say there are something like 12 million illegal immigrants in the country right now, with another half a million coming every year. Remember in the last election when the Democrats claimed there was two Americas? Turns out one of them was Mexico.

Colin Farrel was recently asked about prostitutes and he said, It's like ordering a pizza. Really? What restaurant is he going to? All I ever get is a pizza... I guess in some ways it is - when it's delivered, it's never quite as hot as you hoped it would be.

9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control!

Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help.

Changing the story until you believe it.

If you're a gunfighter, you like to die in the street.