Here is a very inexpensive costume idea. Wear a re-elect Obama button and go out as a journalist.

Arnold Schwarzenegger made his tax returns public, [and] now there's a problem about him stretching the truth. Apparently under occupation he put down 'actor.'

Clinton vetoed the repeal of the marriage tax. I guess Bill figures if he's married, then we all have to suffer.

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won't campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: 'Aaghhhh.'

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.

California Governor Gray Davis visited an elementary school here in Los Angeles where he taught a class. I don't want to say he was unpopular but the kids gave him a wedgie and stuffed him in a locker.

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry said you can't misspeak 15 times in a week and be president. And Bush said, 'You can't'?