George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too much.

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.

Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke.

Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that is what's left after you drain the swamp: snakes everywhere.

Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn't tell a lie.

Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama’s economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America.

If politicians all told the truth, we'd be out of business.