Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn't tell a lie.

President Obama will be going to Disney World where he'll unveil his new plan to create jobs. And what better place for the president to talk about his jobs plan than Fantasyland?

Republicans are calling the Bush-Cheney ticket the 'Wizard of Oz' ticket. One needs a heart and the other needs a brain.

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.'

San Francisco hosted the first medical marijuana job fair. The keynote speech was titled, 'Jobs and How to Avoid Getting One.'

The CEO of The Cheesecake Factory is now warning that Obamacare will be very costly. Hey, The Cheesecake Factory is one of the reasons we need Obamacare in the first place.