Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn't tell a lie.

President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his?

A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time.

Scientists believe that monkeys can be taught to think, lie and even play politics within their community. If we can just teach them to cheat on their wives we can save millions on congressional salaries.

According to federal reports filed yesterday, the Obama campaign spent more money than they raised in the month of May. They spent more money than they raised? Well, that's called being a Democrat

Some members of Congress now are complaining they are underpaid. They want to propose a pay raise. You can't blame them. A lot of them took a big income hit when Enron folded.

Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff didn't know, I was shocked as everyone else. If he doesn't get elected governor, maybe he should work for the CIA. I mean, he can keep a secret better than they can.