So, it's pretty crazy. Look, we're bailing out Wall Street, we're bailing out banks, we're bailing out car companies. In fact, did you know there's a special box on your tax form this year you can check if you want a portion of your taxes to actually go to running the government?

It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that's when we'll be going.

You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats

Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one here and the last one to leave. I have the crummiest office. I try to balance things out, spread it around.

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence.

President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.

It's always bad news when you kill your date