Six women have come forward that say Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them without their consent. This proves he would be a hands-on governor.

Border agents have now been issued air guns that shoot pepper balls at people coming across the Mexican border. Have they thought this through? Is that going to bother people from Mexico? Pepper balls? Don't these people eat jalapenos? Isn't that like firing meatballs at an Italian guy?

Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.

Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix global warming. You know, it's as if these people don't hate us enough already. I mean, they live in mud huts, they have thatch roofs, their clothes are made of straw. We pull up in a bunch of Humvees and SUVs going, 'Hey, you want to cut the smoke out of here?'

Experts are saying that President Bush's goal now is to politically humiliate Saddam Hussein. Why don't we just make him the next Democratic presidential nominee?

Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.

Remember when Obama was campaigning? Didn't he say he was going to close Guantanamo Bay? Didn't he say that? Apparently, he just meant for renovations.