You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.

President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'

The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn't that amazing? The guy has made just two videos and he's already gone Hollywood.

Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory.

At Ken Lay's funeral service the minister compared him to Dr. Martin Luther King, Junior. The difference is Dr. King had a dream, Ken Lay had a scheme.

We're heading for a gov. shutdown. This is serious. W/o the gov who will fail to inspect our airplanes? Who will fail to secure our borders? Who will put us 14 trillion dollars in debt?

President James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand while writing in Greek with the other. I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.