Martha Stewart published her recipe for disaster -- mix one part arrogance with two parts incompetence, simmer in the juices and then serve hot in the can.

One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who look forward to death like Americans look forward to living, which is great because we can arrange that. We'll set them up with death, we'll continue living.

Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control.

The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.

Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters to go home, get a job, and get a life. That's the Republican version of hope and change, ladies and gentlemen.

Arnold Schwarzenegger made his tax returns public, [and] now there's a problem about him stretching the truth. Apparently under occupation he put down 'actor.'

I'm going to be going to a secluded spot where no one can find me - NBC prime time.