I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.