I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings