Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.