I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back. And he was unconquerable.

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.