I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.