Yogi Berra put it best, "If people don't want to come, we can't stop them."

I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you. They just think they're more sophisticated than we are. They're so pissed at us. You know what it is? They're mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be because there was only like nine of us.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

When I watch like The Office I'm fascinated because most of America works in an environment where they see the same eight people every day.

My radio show, I'd show up, I'd read the data, and I would have sound bites and stuff like that.

You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke thief," I just tell them to come to one of my shows.

[Joan Rivers] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. If you're a running back and you're 28 they're like, "Oh, here he goes, turning the corner on his career, he's on the downswing..."