I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry.

I don't have the ability to do a nine-to-five nor do I have the desire to. Stand-up is the only thing that's come completely naturally to me.

This is NOT a pretty good business. You cannot be pretty good and be a national headliner. That becomes the allure.

There seems to be a weird ceiling to being a stand-up as far as acting.

I started to have panic attacks on stage and my wife just asked, "Why don't you just stop?" I was doing Ghost Whisperer at the time so I was making enough money where I could put it away and she said, "Then, when you go back, you just go up and tell the truth." And it's a lot more tiring.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.