I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.

The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier.

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.