People are more interested in someone who goes on stage and tells the truth.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

What's great about stand-up unlike athletes and other things when you get old you get old and rusty.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier.

The first time I watched [Keith] Olbermann, his opening monologue, I completely changed the way I approached my radio show.