My radio show, I'd show up, I'd read the data, and I would have sound bites and stuff like that.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

You could teach [George] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go. How all those sentences are timed perfectly.

If you were an actor, anybody could go on Broadway and take a George Carlin hour and do it on stage as a one man show. They're all stand alone essays.

First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife.

There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the "Hippie Dippie Weatherman" on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. "Forecast for tonight? Dark."

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.