This is NOT a pretty good business. You cannot be pretty good and be a national headliner. That becomes the allure.

I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience.

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.

I started to have panic attacks on stage and my wife just asked, "Why don't you just stop?" I was doing Ghost Whisperer at the time so I was making enough money where I could put it away and she said, "Then, when you go back, you just go up and tell the truth." And it's a lot more tiring.

The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.