The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

In the beginning, we made the usual mistake of looking at houses we could afford. I am working on a proposition, hereafter to be known as Kerr's law, which states in essence: All the houses you can afford to buy are depressing.

An actor can remember his briefest notice well into senescence and long after he has forgotten his phone number and where he lives.

The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

I know what I wish Ralph Nader would investigate next. Marriage. It's not safe, it's not safe at all.

I'm not so sure it's so civilized to be civilized all the time.