Years ago when a man began to notice that if he stood up on the subway he was immediately replaced by two people, he figured he was getting too fat.

The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

I think if you can write a play, or produce a play, the first step toward success [is] if people don't want to kill themselves in the lobby. Now there must be four or five other steps, but that's the first.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

I will read anything rather than work.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if some manufacturer would make a toy as tough, as staunch, as hard to crack open as the carton it comes in!