Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

Years ago when a man began to notice that if he stood up on the subway he was immediately replaced by two people, he figured he was getting too fat.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

I once truly believed that if I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to have a package gift-wrapped it actually gave the recipient more pleasure.

An actor can remember his briefest notice well into senescence and long after he has forgotten his phone number and where he lives.

You can't sleep until noon with the proper elan unless you have some legitimate reason for staying up until three (parties don't count).

I'm not so sure it's so civilized to be civilized all the time.