Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if some manufacturer would make a toy as tough, as staunch, as hard to crack open as the carton it comes in!

Years ago when a man began to notice that if he stood up on the subway he was immediately replaced by two people, he figured he was getting too fat.

I will read anything rather than work.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

An actor can remember his briefest notice well into senescence and long after he has forgotten his phone number and where he lives.

Confronted by an absolutely infuriating review, it is sometimes helpful for the victim to do a little personal research on the critic. Is there any truth to the rumor that he had no formal education beyond the age of eleven? In any event, is he able to construct a simple English sentence? Do his participles dangle? When moved to lyricism, does he write "I had a fun time"? Was he ever arrested for burglary? I don't know that you will prove anything this way, but it is perfectly harmless and quite soothing.