People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

I thought we talked things out!' 'Yes, and you listened very carefully to every word you had to say.

You can't sleep until noon with the proper elan unless you have some legitimate reason for staying up until three (parties don't count).

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

... it's impossible to register any emotion without using some muscle which, in time, will produce a wrinkle. ... By the time she is thirty, a starlet has been carefully taught to smile like a dead halibut. The eyes widen, the mouth drops open, but the eye muscles are never involved.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

I think if you can write a play, or produce a play, the first step toward success [is] if people don't want to kill themselves in the lobby. Now there must be four or five other steps, but that's the first.