People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

Confronted by an absolutely infuriating review, it is sometimes helpful for the victim to do a little personal research on the critic. Is there any truth to the rumor that he had no formal education beyond the age of eleven? In any event, is he able to construct a simple English sentence? Do his participles dangle? When moved to lyricism, does he write "I had a fun time"? Was he ever arrested for burglary? I don't know that you will prove anything this way, but it is perfectly harmless and quite soothing.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

Real men don't do pickup lines just to sweep off every girls' feet. They do and trust their own instincts knowing what the girls' wants and needs. Vying to win their hearts.

To me having a party is something like having a baby. The fact that you got through the last one alive is not somehow sufficiently reassuring now.

I think if you can write a play, or produce a play, the first step toward success [is] if people don't want to kill themselves in the lobby. Now there must be four or five other steps, but that's the first.