The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

While in some quarters it is felt that the critic is just a necessary evil, most serious-minded, decent, talented theater people agree that the critic is an unnecessary evil.

In the beginning, we made the usual mistake of looking at houses we could afford. I am working on a proposition, hereafter to be known as Kerr's law, which states in essence: All the houses you can afford to buy are depressing.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.