Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

I was always the last woman on the last down elevator as the store was closing.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

It has been explained to me that toys are packaged in shards, to be assembled by the middle-aged and butter-fingered, because this makes it easier for the shippers. ... If they had to spend hours and hours putting handlebars onto bicycles ... they would repent their ways and deliver something that looked like a rocking horse and not like the result of a small street accident.

You can't sleep until noon with the proper elan unless you have some legitimate reason for staying up until three (parties don't count).

Movie actors are just ordinary, mixed-up people - with agents.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.