Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

I think if you can write a play, or produce a play, the first step toward success [is] if people don't want to kill themselves in the lobby. Now there must be four or five other steps, but that's the first.

To me having a party is something like having a baby. The fact that you got through the last one alive is not somehow sufficiently reassuring now.

Years ago when a man began to notice that if he stood up on the subway he was immediately replaced by two people, he figured he was getting too fat.

People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

It has been explained to me that toys are packaged in shards, to be assembled by the middle-aged and butter-fingered, because this makes it easier for the shippers. ... If they had to spend hours and hours putting handlebars onto bicycles ... they would repent their ways and deliver something that looked like a rocking horse and not like the result of a small street accident.