I know what I wish Ralph Nader would investigate next. Marriage. It's not safe, it's not safe at all.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

Years ago when a man began to notice that if he stood up on the subway he was immediately replaced by two people, he figured he was getting too fat.

People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.