I know what I wish Ralph Nader would investigate next. Marriage. It's not safe, it's not safe at all.

In the beginning, we made the usual mistake of looking at houses we could afford. I am working on a proposition, hereafter to be known as Kerr's law, which states in essence: All the houses you can afford to buy are depressing.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

I know all about improvisation and the free-form that mirrors the chaos of our time, but I do like to feel that the playwright has done some work before I got there.

... it's impossible to register any emotion without using some muscle which, in time, will produce a wrinkle. ... By the time she is thirty, a starlet has been carefully taught to smile like a dead halibut. The eyes widen, the mouth drops open, but the eye muscles are never involved.

I don't grasp things this early in the day. I mean, I hear voices, all right, but I can't pick out the verbs.

The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.