Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

I will read anything rather than work.

Confronted by an absolutely infuriating review, it is sometimes helpful for the victim to do a little personal research on the critic. Is there any truth to the rumor that he had no formal education beyond the age of eleven? In any event, is he able to construct a simple English sentence? Do his participles dangle? When moved to lyricism, does he write "I had a fun time"? Was he ever arrested for burglary? I don't know that you will prove anything this way, but it is perfectly harmless and quite soothing.

You can't sleep until noon with the proper elan unless you have some legitimate reason for staying up until three (parties don't count).

While in some quarters it is felt that the critic is just a necessary evil, most serious-minded, decent, talented theater people agree that the critic is an unnecessary evil.