Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.