I don't grasp things this early in the day. I mean, I hear voices, all right, but I can't pick out the verbs.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

In the beginning, we made the usual mistake of looking at houses we could afford. I am working on a proposition, hereafter to be known as Kerr's law, which states in essence: All the houses you can afford to buy are depressing.

Being on a ship is something like being pregnant. You can sit there and do absolutely nothing but stare at the water and have the nicest sense that you are accomplishing something.

An actor can remember his briefest notice well into senescence and long after he has forgotten his phone number and where he lives.