I don't grasp things this early in the day. I mean, I hear voices, all right, but I can't pick out the verbs.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

... it's impossible to register any emotion without using some muscle which, in time, will produce a wrinkle. ... By the time she is thirty, a starlet has been carefully taught to smile like a dead halibut. The eyes widen, the mouth drops open, but the eye muscles are never involved.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.