Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

Being on a ship is something like being pregnant. You can sit there and do absolutely nothing but stare at the water and have the nicest sense that you are accomplishing something.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

Years ago when a man began to notice that if he stood up on the subway he was immediately replaced by two people, he figured he was getting too fat.

An actor can remember his briefest notice well into senescence and long after he has forgotten his phone number and where he lives.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.