Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

I once truly believed that if I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to have a package gift-wrapped it actually gave the recipient more pleasure.

I know what I wish Ralph Nader would investigate next. Marriage. It's not safe, it's not safe at all.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

I don't grasp things this early in the day. I mean, I hear voices, all right, but I can't pick out the verbs.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.