In the beginning, we made the usual mistake of looking at houses we could afford. I am working on a proposition, hereafter to be known as Kerr's law, which states in essence: All the houses you can afford to buy are depressing.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs.

I once truly believed that if I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to have a package gift-wrapped it actually gave the recipient more pleasure.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

Confronted by an absolutely infuriating review, it is sometimes helpful for the victim to do a little personal research on the critic. Is there any truth to the rumor that he had no formal education beyond the age of eleven? In any event, is he able to construct a simple English sentence? Do his participles dangle? When moved to lyricism, does he write "I had a fun time"? Was he ever arrested for burglary? I don't know that you will prove anything this way, but it is perfectly harmless and quite soothing.

I thought we talked things out!' 'Yes, and you listened very carefully to every word you had to say.