Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

Real men don't do pickup lines just to sweep off every girls' feet. They do and trust their own instincts knowing what the girls' wants and needs. Vying to win their hearts.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

... it's impossible to register any emotion without using some muscle which, in time, will produce a wrinkle. ... By the time she is thirty, a starlet has been carefully taught to smile like a dead halibut. The eyes widen, the mouth drops open, but the eye muscles are never involved.

You can't sleep until noon with the proper elan unless you have some legitimate reason for staying up until three (parties don't count).

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.