Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

I will read anything rather than work.

Being on a ship is something like being pregnant. You can sit there and do absolutely nothing but stare at the water and have the nicest sense that you are accomplishing something.

... it's impossible to register any emotion without using some muscle which, in time, will produce a wrinkle. ... By the time she is thirty, a starlet has been carefully taught to smile like a dead halibut. The eyes widen, the mouth drops open, but the eye muscles are never involved.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.