... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.

I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it

I only work on my books at nights and at weekends. It is really just like a hobby.