I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it

I got to give mom credit for how she handled it.She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do "the right thing" because it's our choices that make us who we are. I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.

Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!

hope your birthday is hot hot hot