My advice to authors would be to try to do something original rather than to try to anticipate what the market is looking for.
Jeff KinneyI labored for eight years thinking that I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book.
Jeff KinneyI didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.
Jeff KinneySo if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.
Jeff KinneySee, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.
Jeff KinneyI'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.
Jeff KinneySo I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.
Jeff KinneyIf there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.
Jeff KinneyI got to give mom credit for how she handled it.She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do "the right thing" because it's our choices that make us who we are. I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.
Jeff KinneyI think humor is key [to a successful middle-grade novel]. Kids like to read for entertainment, and the best way to entertain kids is to make them laugh.
Jeff KinneyYou and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.
Jeff KinneyThe only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.
Jeff KinneyI don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.
Jeff KinneyI'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley.
Jeff KinneyI've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it
Jeff KinneyThen one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.
Jeff KinneyWell, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.
Jeff KinneyBack in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.
Jeff KinneyI think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.
Jeff KinneyHolly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.
Jeff KinneyFirst of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.
Jeff KinneyBut the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.
Jeff KinneyWhen you're used to having electricity and then all of a sudden it's taken away, you're basically just one step from being a wild animal.
Jeff KinneyDear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg
Jeff KinneyI'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.
Jeff KinneyIt's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.
Jeff KinneyHe got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.
Jeff Kinney