The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.

I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.

Monkeys can't talk, stupid!

Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.

Mom is always saying I'm a smart kid, but that I just don't apply myself.

I got to give mom credit for how she handled it.She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do "the right thing" because it's our choices that make us who we are. I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are.