He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.

First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.

I`m basically one of the best people I know.

I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!