He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.

that if you don't read nobody does

I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.

Monkeys can't talk, stupid!

I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley.

I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born.