I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and face.

You have such a huge career ... behind you.

I like to roast things from the inside out. I like to know what's going on.

The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special.