There have been many times in my life where I got opportunities that I never thought would be the things that I needed, so I'm always saying, "I want to do this but whatever the universe thinks is right, I'm open." Because otherwise it causes me so much pain if I don't get what I want. It's my least favorite thing.

I don't do jokes about elections so that's probably why it went okay for me, except for the crazy people that are hate-crime people.

We've seen a kind of Donald Trump supporter on steroids, like the hate-crime people. Those people, I don't want to see, like anyone violent or carrying a gun or anything like that. But I won't know if they disagree with me unless they decide to heckle.

If I could make crazy money just doing stand-up, that's what I would do.

Whatever my life looks like, I want it to be real and big and full. I want when, if I get hit by a car, I want to know that I have deep and real friendships, people to visit me in the hospital.

Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.

I don't have that addictive, "What's going on?" feeling anymore, thank god.