I'm sure kids had masturbated by sixth grade. I had for sure.

A lot of times that I'm single is not for a lack of anyone being interested; it's me.

At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy family.

Let me say this. [Donald] Trump is the only person that has control over what Trump does. Maybe his supporters support him but they don't support every single thing about him. Maybe they are misguided about what it means to be friends with Russia. Maybe they come to my show and they never thought about sexism in the way that I talk about it in a joke.

I used to make albums because I wasn't touring, and so I thought, "This is the best way for people to find out about me.

[The first] week [of the year] is great because my special is coming out but it's also my least favorite week because everyone else is on hyperdrive. They're like, "Let's do it! We're doing our goals!" Everyone is bothering me and there's so much hyper-intensity going on and I'm like, "It's winter, you guys. It's hibernating time."

I'm sure kids had masturbated by sixth grade. I had for sure.