I think Twitter is kind of boring, to be honest. To me, it's not even real life.

They asked us to draw pictures of what we thought men and women look like naked and so I was like, "Get away, I'm doing my weird homework, drawing a naked man and woman." And I can't even draw. That's all I remember. I have no memory.

I have no interest in saying "This is who I am! This is what I'm like!"

My mother was like, "What did they teach you?", and I had never talked about that [sex-ed] so I freaked out.

In terms of what happened to Amy [Schumer], if that happened to me I would be like, "Yes, please leave." But I toured a lot. I started as an opening feature act touring a lot during the [George W.] Bush years, like around 2007. I was touring during the [Barack] Obama election - the first one with [Sarah] Palin and [John] McCain - and I talked to crowds about that and they were always split down the middle.

It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.

I'm still hibernating so I get really frustrated with other people's goals and just stop.