I think Twitter is kind of boring, to be honest. To me, it's not even real life.

I thought that's what happened to women: You live alone when you're old.

My rule is if one person says it, a thousand people want to say it. That goes for compliments too. I try to balance it out in my head.

Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.

I don't think people are really breaking ground and getting new fans or anything. So, I just use it more in my personal life but obviously I'm in a business where people think that Twitter matters so I'll be like, "Yes, I will tweet out this show." But it is something that me, the human, uses.

If I could make crazy money just doing stand-up, that's what I would do.

I'm still hibernating so I get really frustrated with other people's goals and just stop.