Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his job because I kind of don't like to bend. I also refuse to carry anything heavier than my purse.

Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

I don't mean to get all religious here, but I'm pretty sure key lime martinis (with a graham cracker & sugar rim) are proof that Jesus loves us.

I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve.

Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw so as to not affront the Lord.

No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken.

Were I forced to describe this woman in one word, that word would be...herpes.