I've always been able to cook Italian food. That's in my blood because I'm half Sicilian.

Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw so as to not affront the Lord.

When did the cell phone become a license to be rude? And why must I be subjected to your personal conversations?

As I examine my life through this book, I can't help but wonder if my mother was right. Maybe I really was what I ate. And maybe if she'd let me eat a little more sugar, I'd have come out sweeter.

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

Over the summer we chatted one night while Angie stripped a bed, changed wet sheets, comforted and repajamaed a toddler, and chased down a car of speeding teenagers while shaking a brick at them, never once interrupting the conversation or setting down her margarita. The only reason this woman isn't president of General Motors is because she's chosen not to be.

I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything.