If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.

The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.

Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.

Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.

After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.